


Beware of Greeks

by ciannwn



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:57:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciannwn/pseuds/ciannwn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A silly 'Blake's 7' story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beware of Greeks

"I don’t like it," Vila complained for the umpteenth time, and Dayna sighed.

"Look, Vila. We need those Gronk crystals and there’s very little risk involved this time."

"She’s right," Tarrant confirmed. "All we have to do is go to Gronk 3, hand over a million credits worth of diamonds from that mine Avon found the other day and that’s it."

Vila looked puzzled. "I thought he found a windmill."

"No, Vila," Dayna said with a laugh. "That was last week."

Avon and Soolin entered the crewroom at this point, having returned from their walk on Xenon’s surface. "You’ll never guess what _we’ve_ found," Soolin announced mysteriously. Vila put on a hopeful expression.

"Gronk crystals?"

"No, Vila," she said, and sighed in exasperated fashion. "A stone circle in the middle of a plain. You could see where it had been cordoned off so people couldn’t get too near it ... and there were even the remains of a paybox."

Avon looked almost wistful. "Xenon is so like Earth I sometimes ... " He snapped himself out of his uncharacteristic fit of homesickness. "Are the diamonds ready?" The others nodded, and he turned towards the door with a purposeful expression. "Right. Let’s go."

\--------

"I told you it would be easy," Dayna announced as Avon materialized in the teleport bay.

"But has he got the crystals?" Vila demanded.

Avon gave him a friendly smile. "Of course I have, Vila. You worry too much and I wish you wouldn’t. It isn’t good for you." He took a beautiful multi-hued stone out of his pocket and held it up to the light. "Oh, look at that!" he breathed, quite overcome by the sight. "It’s so pretty."

Dayna took it from him and gazed into its depths. "It seems a pity we’ve got to smash it up and process it."

"Never mind," Avon said sympathetically. "I brought you this back." He produced an exquisite ruby necklace from his other pocket and fastened it round her neck.

"Oh, Avon!" she squealed. "It’s beautiful."

"It’s just a little thank-you present for being such a loyal friend and companion," he explained. "In fact, I’ve brought you all presents because I just don’t know what I’d do without you."

He gave Soolin a delicately wrought bracelet set with flawless emeralds and politely turned away when the tough, ruthless gunfighter was momentarily overcome by softer emotions. Tarrant received a platinum chronometer which could be set to tell the time on any planet in the Federation - it was shock proof, water proof and hopefully Tarrant proof because the casing couldn’t be opened so he’d be unable to overhaul it. And Vila was presented with a tiny video cube which made his eyes pop out when he saw what was on it, a set of personalized lock picking tools, a small flask of vintage brandy and a signed statement promising to leave him behind on dangerous missions in the future.

Avon gazed at the happy, smiling faces of his crew and almost melted with undisguised affection. "Right," he announced gently. "Let’s go."

\--------

Slave expressed his humble opinion that he’d be able to handle SCORPIO if Tarrant put the ship on automatic, and the tall, young, slender, brave, handsome, curly-headed pilot* took a cup of coffee from the tray Avon was holding and settled back in his seat. This was the life all right, with Avon being so nice to everybody and waiting on them hand and foot. In fact ... his reverie was shattered by a sudden shriek from Vila.

"That ... that ... " he stuttered, panic stricken. "That isn’t Avon!"

"Oh, Vila, don’t be silly," Dayna said, and laughed because it was such a ridiculous idea.

"Look at him!" Vila screeched.

She spun round and threw herself behind her console as lasers flashed from Avon’s eyes and turned her chair into a smoking, blackened ruin. He then pointed his finger at Soolin, who ducked just in time to avoid the plasma bullets fired in her direction. The coffee pot and milk jug exploded, sending slivers of stainless steel across the flight deck.

Tarrant picked up a crowbar and bashed Avon over the head with it. The head fell off but Avon remained on his feet. Tarrant bashed again and this time Avon’s limbs detached themselves from his torso and he crashed to the deck in pieces. Tarrant wiped his hand across his sweating forehead before addressing the apparently empty flight deck. "You can come out now. It’s armless."

Soolin, Dayna and Vila emerged from their hiding places, and Soolin stared at Avon’s remains with an expression of disgust.

"An android," she said bitterly. "That means Avon’s still on Gronk 3."

\--------

"It was a trap," Avon explained flatly after his companions had staged their daring rescue and destroyed the Federation base on Gronk 3 against overwhelming odds. "There weren’t any crystals." He picked up the pretty stone which the android had brought on board and snarled "Plastic!" before hurling it at Slave in temper.

"It was Vila who guessed the other you was an android," Soolin said, generously giving credit where credit was due. "But how did you know?" she asked him.

Vila looked smug. "It was when he put three spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee," he explained. "Avon never takes sugar." He sighed and tore the signed statement into little pieces before throwing them up in the air in disgust. "And _that_ little promise wasn’t worth the paper it was written on," he said gloomily.

Avon looked as though he agreed one hundred percent.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I think Tarrant’s gorgeous, but anyone who doesn’t can delete my adjectives and substitute their own.


End file.
